Tragedy, pain, disease, turmoil, and the like all have the potential to steal true life from God’s people. They not only rob us from living a life of divine health but steal the belief in our destiny, callings, and the gifts God so freely gives to us. I experienced this theft after a serious car accident resulting in five years of intense pain and disillusionment. My neck and back injuries were serious enough the doctors predicted only a worsening of pain as I aged. But they were not serious enough to risk a surgery fusing discs together which would have only resulted in further immobility. In other words, they could do nothing to make my quality of life better, and there was great potential it would get worse. In fact, doctors told me I could eventually end up in a wheelchair because of continued disc compression along with spurs, arthritis, and other problems. They prescribed pain killers and anti-depressants in order to cope with the debilitation progression.
My life became a cycle of visits to doctors, neurologists, psychologists, physical therapists, chiropractors, and hospitals/clinics for further testing. Along with the medical issues we were in a legal battle to have our medical bills paid. During the lawyer mediations every aspect of our lives was laid bare and questioned as attorneys tried to prove I had pre-existing conditions therefore the insurance company for the lady who ran a red light and hit us was not liable. Her lawyers questioned our marriage, family, ministry, and activities in an attempt to dig up something which would release them from the responsibility of paying for our medical bills.
I had become weary of the cycle of medical visits and the stress involved in the legal battle, along with mounting medical bills. Still, the thing that haunted me most was my inability to live! I wanted desperately to thrive with family and friends, to dance before the Lord, to play guitar, and to laugh again. Yet everything I did left me exhausted and in more pain. Hopelessness was definitely a word to describe those days. However, my family and friends continued to urge me on to “Only Believe”. There were two “moments of decision” during this process when I knew I needed to choose God or choose to live according to the dictates of man. One moment was when the doctors said there was no hope of improvement and the other was when we met with lawyers to “settle” or go to “trial”.
I remember walking out of the neurologist’s office the day he informed us that I would only get worse as my body deteriorated and the best he could do is help “control” the pain and I would need to learn to cope. That very day I determined to choose life though the evidence before me was shouting loudly, DEATH! The Word says in Deuteronomy 30:19 “I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”
My moment of decision led me to “only believe” God. I decided to limit my “doctor” visits to the physical therapist who was helping me restore strength and flexibility to my body, and a chiropractor who was aligning my spine back to its original position. I determined to stop seeing all other doctors and having tests run because they only gave news I was already well aware of since I was living it. As you can imagine, things only got worse from that day onward though there would be better days ahead. It was a great decision in that moment and beyond! But it did not come easily!
My second moment of decision came when we sat in a room with our lawyer who presented us with the settlement offer from the lawyers representing the insurance company for the lady who hit us by running a red light at 55 mph. The amount was enough to pay our medical bills after lawyer fees but our lawyer informed us that because they were willing to pay our bills, it was likely they realized we had a good case and we would win a much greater award if it went to trial. The decision was ours but our lawyer felt it would be to our benefit to go to trial if we were willing to endure further investigation, scrutiny, and distortion of truth by the other lawyers as they tried to discredit us in order to defend the insurance company.
My husband and I asked to be left alone for a short time. We prayed and reminded ourselves the whole point in getting a lawyer was simply to have our medical bills paid not to “get rich”. When our lawyer came back into the room we told him we wanted to settle and put closure to the whole case. I immediately broke down. The anxiety and fear of a two year legal battle was gone in one moment with one decision. We thank God for allowing us the wisdom to let go earlier than later.
Are you facing something and it seems impossible for you to “keep the faith” or “stand” on His Word? I have encouraging news for you – What seems impossible to us is more than possible for God! His promise to never leave us or forsake us resonates with truth for all His children. God brought many Scriptures to light and made them come alive in my life and He will in yours as well.
Once I crossed my moments of decision there was no turning back. I was weary, riddled with pain, fear knocked at my heart and mind daily, but I knew I had to keep looking forward and upward. God made one section of Scripture come alive to me during those dark days which brought comfort, hope, direction, and conviction. It empowered me to stand in faith, rest in His power and provision, and wait on Him. The entire chapter is powerful but I gravitated to a few verses as they spoke life to my body and soul. I was encouraged as I declared these verses over my body several times daily until I “believed” in spite of my circumstances.
Proverbs 3:7-8 “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones.” v. 21-24 “My son, let them not depart from your eyes – Keep sound wisdom and discretion; so they will be life to your soul and grace to your neck. Then you will walk safely in your way, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.”
Holy Spirit would daily remind me His Word was living and powerful. (Hebrews 4:12) He would remind me His Word comes from His mouth and does not return to Him empty but accomplishes whatever He pleases and prospers in everything He sends it out for. (Isaiah 55:11) When I read these verses in Proverbs I remembered His Word must accomplish what He said, and the insomnia and pain robbing me of “life” would need to bow its knees, so to speak, to His powerful Word.
When I purposed to put God’s Word into my mind as medicine things began to change very slowly. When I “changed my mind” from “man thoughts” to “God thoughts” I began to experience hope. Prayer, worship, and intercession became the norm, pressing in with God at all times not just when I needed help. There were still times I went to my room, laid on my bed and cried out to God to please take me home with Him. I was miserable and overwhelmed at times with the condition of my body along with the emotional strain of not being able to care for my children, be the helpmeet to my husband, or worship God and minister unto Him and others. After those times of crying out to God, He placed in me a passion for life and healing, hope and steadfastness, desire and fulfillment that has not left me to this day.
There were five things I mentioned I received through decreeing these Scriptures; comfort, hope, direction, conviction, and empowerment. I was hopeful and comforted because I saw and believed there would be an end to my suffering and the pain in my body. There would come a day my flesh would be healthy and my bones would be strong. In Hebrew it actually means the nerves would be healed, and when it says “strength to bones” it means a moistening or refreshing of the bones. My mind, will, and emotions (soul) would be full of life, and my neck would be healed by the grace of God. “Life to the soul” again means a refreshing. There would be a day I would experience sweet sleep and I would be unafraid.
When I did not experience breakthrough on any given day, I simply believed for it the next day and this continued while I grew to “only believe” it would happen in this lifetime. The Spirit of God convinced me it was not His plan for me to live out my days on earth in pain and sleeplessness.
These verses brought direction for me. These verses instructed me to make sure I did not think too highly of myself, thinking I was wise. I was charged to fear the Lord, turn from evil, and keep sound wisdom and discretion. This was great news. I knew what I had to do because God spelled it out for me in His Word. I needed to humble myself before Him, regain an authentic fear of God, turn away from the evil including all that comes against God’s will (for me that included pain), and I needed to keep sound wisdom and discretion. In order to keep them I needed to learn what those were. Sound wisdom is the might and counsel of God. Discretion is also about the counsel of God and being prudent (having good sense). I needed to hear His counsel and experience His might before I could keep it. I learned I could live without being afraid. What a gift the Lord provides in His Word!
Just as these directives were great news and gave me great hope, they were also convicting because I realized how completely absorbed and focused I was on myself, and I even excused my behavior because I felt I was the victim. I was convicted for my lack of fear of God. I said things to and about Him that did not bring Him glory and honor. It still causes me to cry when I realize how I hurt Him during those times. I thank Him for forgiveness. I was not keeping sound wisdom and discretion by recognizing His great counsel and might. Conviction is meant to bring a change of heart! He definitely changed mine during those years!
Finally I said I was empowered through these passages to live a life of faith, with no turning back, and no turning to the left or right. I saw an opportunity to choose life as I had never seen it before. He empowered me to rest and wait on Him.
I pray that whatever you find yourself going through, the more impossible it appears, the more possible it is for God. God is faithful! He did it for me – He will do it for you! He will fulfill His Word! Only Believe! He loves you!!!!